A portal into a dimension of pure heavy;

Today was a bad day. I was feeling overall shitty and sad today. I did an hour and a half of loan forms and sold my soul for 50 grand to college. We had a surprise forum on death today and I couldn’t do it. I cried and left.

This has been a real bad week. I just want to eat soup and watch a good movie and be happy.

Yesterday I saw John again and I was grumpy almost all day. Then we watched the Iron giant and cuddled and then I cried during it and all was well.

I was supposed to go to the gym with kendall but she is sick today, so I don’t know what I’m going to do today. I could visit Kari again. I’ll keep that in mind as something to do. I don’t like enough people, how am I supposed to enjoy my long weekend if I don’t have friends. /sigh. 

I’m going to go wash the dishes that are piling up and maybe eat some breakfast… except we are out of most of our food so I’m going to have to figure something random out or not eat. LE DOUBLE SIGH

The anime School days was fucked up. To not leave that hanging.

Yesterday, I hung out with Kari for most of the day. We talked a lot and I listened to her talk a lot- which was nice. She has a lot to say and no one to really listen to it that’s not a dick. I was glad we spent the day together. I’ll go back real soon.

John picked me up and we hung out a bit. It didn’t go very well. He bought me icecream then we went back to my house because suddenly we were supposed to decide to do something except I can’t just come up with ideas of shit to do on the spot. Then I ended up trying to explain to him about college and he didn’t get it. He didn’t remotely get what I was trying to say and because of that was a jerk and kept saying mean things. Then tried to get me to go talk to his grandma about it. It got to the point to where I just kept crying and got up and threw all of the stuff on my moms bed on the floor and i cried and cried and cried. Then he came in and I think he might’ve got part of it after. I don’t know. He doesn’t  act like he really cares about shit.

I initially started crying because I’m going to be all alone in college. John already said we’re not going to be able to visit each other. And he said what about your family. Well. What about them? We’ll be close as ever, not talking. I don’t have many friends as it is. I’ll be in my room at school all of the time, or I will just work everyday.

It’s also going to suck because the original plan was we were going to move closer to the school and  I would commute and live with my mom. That was perfect for me, but obviously can’t happen now. Then my crying ended up being because my mom’s dead and all I want is her because she would know what to do and say and it wouldn’t be so shitty.

But I mean, I just wish someone would be like, “Hey, Don’t worry about it, I’ll come see you! It’ll be okay.” Instead of everyone just telling me college is the best time of my life and to shut up.

John also kept saying my life revolves around him. “Everything you do is based off me. You don’t make any plans on the weekend because you leave the whole thing for me.” Actually, I almost broke up with you almost a month ago for good. I was fine the whole week we were on break. I barely talk to you all week and would like some time to actually see you. I’m sorry that I make plans with you on your only free time. I think you wish that I still revolved my life around you. Sometimes its fucking exhausting loving you.

Today I started watching the anime ‘school days’. So far it’s alright. ONly 12 eps so I can handle that. 

When i got home from school yesterday Ray had torn the house apart more or less; but now it looks really nice. He did a good job. I also applied for the dunkin donuts in ossipee. Hopefully that goes well. I don’t have to go to school for five days, so I’m really going to enjoy that :D

I’m having trouble deciding whether to do art or to do something else. I should fill out some scholarships. I think maybe I’ll do at least a half hour of scholarships and then art if I feel like it still. Good deal.

Also I got kendall up at 1am and we are doing pretty good.

I think it’s weird how when you spend a lot of time at someone’s house you sort of develop mannerisms. Like maybe at their house you always need to shut a door, or to make sure you don’t eat all their peanut butter- but when you don’t go there for a while you forget these things and feel kinda stupid when you go back.

I need to wake up Kendall in ten minutes. We are supposed to stay awake to do work but we fell asleep at 9:30 with the intention to only rest for a second. I’m just trying to do this so she can get her stuff done. I don’t even have to do any work. I’m sleep depriving myself for her. Worth it, hopefully. At least we’ll have a few hours of nap time in and maybe won’t be too crazy.

I just want everything to be over.

I had a good weekend mostly. Some parts were annoying like trying to give Vikki adive she won’t take on matters I don’t really care about. But then on Saturday, I saw kake and matt and we went to subway and then saw arthur, devyn and coty at the commons. So we sat and chatted until John got there. Eventually I came home then Kendall slept over.

Sunday was really really good, John came over and we went for a walk in the woods. Then we watched Children of Men naked. It was hot and it was nice to be naked. Then there was sexy time and I made fried chicken the end.

School is almost over and I still need a job and to call a million places from school. Everyone is annoying that I know, the end.

whitening my teeth, I thought i bought strips but they are like strange strip/tray things. Whatever. As long as it works. 

Gonna make myself pretty lalala.

Well I guess I’ll say more later I haven’t done much today

Let us see…

I was a zombie all day and don’t remember it too much. I guess I fell asleep in D block with my eyes open for a lil bit, which was terrifying by the way. We did so much work and I ended up painting kendall a wicked awesome poster.

I am hoping everything works out with kendall because I will do what ever I can to help her do her work to graduate. Her teacher just needs to stop being a bitch.

I napped and showered when I got home and that’s really it today so far.

Today… yesterday actually but we’ll pretend it’s still may 17th…

Pretty much just went to school with nothing too eventful happening except I turned in my essay that I had to write, it was about why everyone should get an abortion. It wasn’t too serious but its way more controversial than the first one and if my teacher doesn’t like it, then that’s really her issue.

Uhh, Pretty much just hung with Kendall all day and we are staying up all night to do work and stuff. I finished Mack’s tile and it looks just like him so… boom.

Also I can’t remember if I said how my aunt went crazy and came to yell at us for not coming over- but that happened a day or so ago. Because we didn’t confirm plans and they assumed we were coming over so we looked like asses when we were like “uhh we are really busy”. Which WASNT EVEN A LIE- but they thought we were lying. Mehh.

Nothing too eventful though…